Waking Up the Sun Read online

  A NineStar Press Publication

  www.ninestarpress.com

  Waking Up the Sun

  ISBN: 978-1-951057-16-9

  Copyright © 2019 by Laura Bailo

  Cover Art by Natasha Snow Copyright © 2019

  Published in MONTH, 2019 by NineStar Press, New Mexico, USA.

  This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are either the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons living or dead, business establishments, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

  All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced in any material form, whether by printing, photocopying, scanning or otherwise without the written permission of the publisher. To request permission and all other inquiries, contact NineStar Press at [email protected].

  Warning: This book contains sexually explicit content, which may only be suitable for mature readers, and depictions of anxiety and panic attacks, mentions of transphobia and bullying.

  Waking Up the Sun

  Laura Bailo

  Table of Contents

  Dedication

  Prologue

  Chapter One

  Chapter Two

  Chapter Three

  Chapter Four

  Chapter Five

  Chapter Six

  Chapter Seven

  Chapter Eight

  Epilogue

  Acknowledgements

  About the Author

  Alexentzat

  Prologue

  THEY SAY THE forest is haunted, that they’re afraid of the darkness. They say something’s there at night, something that’s never seen during the day. Some stories talk of dragons, while others tell about demons. But there’s no spectral figure in this forest, and it’s the trees they should fear.

  Chapter One

  “HE WON’T COME.”

  “He’ll be hiding under his bed, the coward.”

  “Did you see his face when you dared him? I’m sure he peed his pants just thinking about it.”

  The men standing on the road—a few feet away from where Lander stood—started laughing and clapping one another on the back. He was sure they didn’t know he was there, not that it would have mattered to them. He was familiar enough with the things they were saying about him.

  Earlier that afternoon, they’d seen him studying and started on their usual abuse. Lander could generally tune them out easily enough, but he’d had an argument with his parents that morning and he’d already been on edge. So when they’d told him he wouldn’t dare to go into the forest alone, his stubborn streak had shown up, and he’d set out to prove them wrong. Of course, then they’d changed their terms and dared him to go into the forest at night.

  Lander was determined to prove to them he could do it. All his life, he had only wanted to fit in with the other kids, but he had always been the outsider, the weird kid no one wanted to play with, the one always left alone. He’d longed for company, for someone to share his time with, and instead he’d encountered barbs and jabs directed his way just because he was a bit different. In the end, being alone was safer, and he’d grown used to it. But there was still a small part of him that wanted to belong to a group, and it was that part that had risen to the bait when they’d made their way towards him, so confident in their abuse that he couldn’t help but take them up on it, even though he knew it would be a mistake.

  He took a deep breath and stepped out of the shadows, feeling a vindictive pleasure at seeing the surprise on their faces. They truly hadn’t expected him to come.

  “Well, well, well… Look who decided to show up after all. Have you come to tell us to stop wasting our time and just go home?” One of them sneered at Lander, and his resolve doubled.

  Lander made sure to keep his head high and not to let his voice tremble when he answered. “I’m here to go into the forest. That’s what you wanted, isn’t it?”

  They shared a few confused looks, probably not knowing what to make of this version of Lander, the one who was actually standing up to them. After a moment, the leader just shrugged and started walking. He was used to his little band following him without question and clearly expected Lander to do the same. Lander wanted to get this over with, so this time he did what the leader wanted without complaint.

  They walked like soldiers, the blustering young men from before he’d made his appearance all but gone. Lander guessed it was probably a habit they had picked up from their training—they’d all shown an affinity for offensive magic and had started training with the guards the year before. Lander had an affinity for healing magic, but his talent was not important enough that any of the village healers wanted to take him on as an apprentice, so he’d been studying and trying to learn everything he could on his own. Not that he would ever be a doctor, but he wanted to help, and healing magic could be useful in a lot of different ways people didn’t often think about. He’d had many arguments with his parents about that very topic, including the one that led to him following this group to the edge of the forest.

  He’d never been so close to this place. He’d seen it, even studied it from afar, but he’d never stepped a foot into the tree line. As far as he knew, no one in the village had. Ever since he was little, he’d listened to people telling stories about the forest, stories designed to scare little kids. And as he grew up, he could tell that the kids weren’t the only ones afraid of the forest. Everyone feared the darkness. No one dared go into it, not even during the day. He had always wondered why because he didn’t think the stories about ghosts and the forest making people disappear were true. But apparently he was about to find out if there was any truth to them.

  The four trainees were looking at him with smug smiles, and he would have liked nothing better than to wipe them off their faces. But he was not stupid enough to go against four men, especially not trained ones. However, there was another way for him to stop them from smiling; it just involved him going somewhere no one had ventured in ages, a place he had been taught to fear since he was old enough to sleep in a bed instead of a cot.

  Lander refused to let them see his fear, so he steeled himself and walked to the edge of the forest, looking in. He could see only the trees, since the world between them was made of shadows.

  “Step in and then come out, right?”

  The four of them looked at him expectantly, probably waiting for him to turn around and run back to the city. There was no chance of that happening now.

  As always, it was their leader who spoke. “Yes. But not just stepping into the edge. You need to go far enough that we don’t see you anymore. We’ll tell you when that is. And then you can come back, and we’ll never call you a coward again.”

  Lander nodded and approached the edge of the tree line slowly. With a small step, he was inside the forest. He breathed in the smell of the trees, the wildlife, and the darkness, getting overwhelmed with so many new scents. He didn’t look back but, instead, kept walking until the darkness surrounded him. There must have been noises in the forest, but his heart was beating so hard that the only thing he could hear was the sound of it drumming inside his chest. He looked back then, intending to ask if this was far enough—he should have known they wouldn’t say anything—but the tree line had disappeared.

  At first he thought his eyes were simply playing tricks on him, that it was so dark he just couldn’t see the tree line. But then he tried going back. He walked back over his own steps, only there was no end to the forest in sight. His eyes had grown used to the darkness, and he could see only an endless sea of trees, no matter where he looked. Every time he saw what might have looked like an opening between the trees, it’d disappeared by the time he’d made his way over to i
t. It was as if the trees themselves were moving, as if they didn’t want him to leave. It was then he remembered the stories once more, the ones he’d dismissed as superstition and legends. There was one thing they all had in common: no one ever found their way out of the forest.

  Lander’s breath started coming in gasps, his heart trying to escape his chest, and everything grew even darker. He recognised the episode for what it was, but instead of making him feel worse, it was kind of a sick relief. He was panicking, but it was a panic he was used to dealing with; it was something familiar in this scary world he found himself in.

  He used every tool he’d learned for dealing with these moments. He moved until his back hit a tree trunk and then slid down until he was sitting on the forest floor. His trousers were getting damp, but he didn’t care, not when that bit of sensation helped distract his mind from the panic coursing through it. He counted as he focused on his breath, doing his best to keep his attention on the numbers, and soon the panic started receding. It didn’t go away completely, but it was in the back of his mind and Lander could manage as long as it stayed there.

  Once he’d dealt with that he had no idea what to do next. Just thinking about getting up and walking again made him feel exhausted, and he definitely couldn’t count on the almost-soldiers to go looking for help. They’d probably run as soon as he’d stepped a foot into the forest.

  But he couldn’t stay there and just do nothing either; that was like inviting the panic to take over again, so he got to his feet, chose a direction, and started walking that way.

  He had no way of telling how much time he’d spent walking, but he was pretty sure he was getting nowhere. If anything, he was getting more lost than he’d been when he started. Everything looked the same under the dark cloak the night provided. He could be going in circles for all he knew, and he wouldn’t even notice.

  He looked around himself, trying to find some point of reference, somewhere to come back to, or something that would let him know if he really was walking in circles.

  He’d never seen trees quite like these, and they all looked the same to him. Their trunks, although close together, did allow him to walk between most of them, but looking up he saw that their branches intertwined in such a way they created a natural ceiling of leaves: the reason why it was so dark inside the forest. He wondered how much daylight could actually pass through that green mass.

  Lander was exhausted, not from walking, but from the effort he was making to keep the panic at bay. It would take him over completely if he let it, and he was not sure how much longer he could resist.

  He was still walking when the light started to change, his surroundings looking greyer than black and getting clearer by moments. The night was over.

  Lander took advantage of the soft light to study the forest better: the trees were tall and dense, not letting much sunlight reach inside their living space, just as he’d thought. That explained how he’d managed to walk all night without stepping into any bushes; they didn’t get enough light to survive.

  Lander was used to waking up with the sun and to the sound of the village getting ready for the day: windows opening, carts and people heading to work, and neighbours greeting one another. The silence was eerie, making him feel even more like an intruder.

  Then he realised this would be the first morning in years he wouldn’t be taking his medicine: the one that helped with the worst of the panic. He didn’t know if everything would get back to the way it was before he started making and taking the potion, but if it did, he really wasn’t looking forward to that. He needed to find a way out of the forest, if nothing else, so he could have that small comfort of being more in control of his thoughts again.

  He shook that fear and decided to try to take advantage of the light and keep looking for a way out of the forest. He turned in a complete circle, trying to see if any direction looked more likely than others to take him to the tree line, but everything looked the same. Still, the forest had to end somewhere, right? If he just chose a direction and stuck with it, he should find the tree line eventually.

  He knew he could waste the whole day trying to decide which direction to pick, so he didn’t let himself get distracted and started walking. After what felt like an hour, but could have been minutes, he came across a place where trees seemed to be growing over one another, and there was no way for him to keep walking. He had no choice but to go back and retrace his own steps. Once he was back where he’d started he simply picked a different direction but came across a similar dead end. The same thing happened the next three times. He could feel the panic starting to overpower him, his breath coming faster and cold sweat covering his skin.

  He went back to the starting point and swore. He cried and yelled, but no one except the trees was listening. He gave himself over to the panic, for hours or minutes, he couldn’t tell, until his throat was raw and his eyes hurt from crying, until he could get his breath and heartbeat under control again. He looked around him and fought back the urge to cry again. He should have thought of a way to mark where he’d already been. As it was, everything looked the same to him, and he had no idea which parts of the forest he had yet to explore. Lander was rapidly losing any hope he still had of getting out.

  After he managed to calm himself, he was surprised to hear the sound of running water. He had no idea how he hadn’t noticed it before, but there it was, coming from somewhere not too far away. He was parched, so he followed the sound until he found a small stream so clean it looked transparent. The water was cold to the touch, and it felt like silk sliding down his throat.

  By the time he finished drinking, the light was fading again. He didn’t want to go wandering and lose his only source of water and food, if he managed to catch a few fish. The ground looked inviting, and he was exhausted enough he probably wouldn’t even miss his lumpy mattress. At least that’s what he told himself. He lay down close to the stream and closed his eyes. The sound of water had always had a calming effect on him, and he was glad for it right then, when it helped keep his head clear of thoughts enough that he could fall asleep. He woke a few times during that night, tossing and turning on the ground, but physical exhaustion won every time, and he would fall back into a restless sleep.

  Morning came and, with it, a light that looked just as grey as the day before. He was still tired, but sleeping had helped, and he decided to keep trying to find his way out. He was hesitant to leave the small stream, and since he hadn’t had much luck the previous day running around the trees like a headless chicken, he opted for following the water, hoping it would get him somewhere, anywhere. Even if he had to walk days to get back home, at least he would be out of the forest. He’d never liked the sun much, but he wanted desperately to see it shining again.

  He tried to keep as close to the water as possible, even if it meant he had to get his feet wet from time to time when the trees were close together and he couldn’t move between their trunks. At one point, he had to step into the stream completely. He knew it was a senseless thought, but it almost felt as if the forest didn’t want him to keep walking. But he kept moving more slowly, afraid of slipping and falling now that the stream was starting to look more like a river.

  He wasn’t aware of how much time passed, but night was falling once more by the time he reached the end of the river, and all his hopes were shattered. He was standing on the shore of a lake, but there was still no end in sight to the forest. He should have known something like this could happen, but he hadn’t wanted to even consider it. Now he was once more exhausted, and he couldn’t see well enough to walk back to the small clearing.

  The lake should have felt calming — it was the most open space he’d been in so far — but when Lander looked up, he could still see nothing but darkness. Large bodies of water where he couldn’t see the bottom had always made him uncomfortable, and the lake was starting to make his skin crawl.

  Something made ripples appear in the water, and Lander moved closer without thinking
too much about it. With a bit of luck, maybe he could catch something to eat. The ripples were getting bigger, and he looked everywhere to try to find out what was causing them. Then he saw something.

  He took a step backwards and shook his head. There couldn’t be a woman in the water; surely his eyes were deceiving him. But then her head broke through the surface, and he was sure of what he was seeing.

  He tried to talk to her, ask her if she knew a way out of the forest, ask her for help, but as soon as she saw him her mouth opened forming a perfect O shape and she submerged again. Her feet came up with the action, and it was Lander’s turn to be surprised. For they were not human feet, but bird legs, such as the ones a heron would have.

  She wasn’t a woman at all; she was a lamia! He had always thought they were legends, but he couldn’t deny what he’d seen with his own eyes. According to the tales, they were quiet creatures, who only dared to come to the surface at night and usually they didn’t have any contact with humans. They kept to themselves, so it was no wonder this one had fled upon seeing him.

  Now he felt as if he’d been intruding on something that should have been hers, and he was feeling completely out of place once more. It was a feeling he was used to; it was his almost-constant companion whenever he had to deal with people in the village. Feeling it here, in the middle of nowhere, was a bit of a shock, and he had to sit down and just breathe for a while to deal with it.

  It was the second night, which meant he hadn’t had his medicine for as long as that. No wonder the panic and his thoughts were harder than usual to deal with. Lander hadn’t felt this way since he’d started taking the potion he’d found in one of his medical books.

  He had to use every trick he knew to calm his thoughts once more until he was able to think clearly again. Actually, all the ingredients for his potion came from different plants, and though he usually bought them prepared from the town’s market, maybe he could find the plants in the forest. It was starting to look as if finding his way out may take him a while, and he didn’t want to be panicking every day. He needed his head clear.